Miao offers dating advice

I've made a preposterous decision to dispense my own dating advice as a follow-up to my previous post. Naturally I'm not as well-versed as Dr Philanderer in the intricacies of romance or in the complexities of the power play between males and females, and neither am I knowledgeable when it comes to the gender-specific expectations that members of each sex harbour towards their potential love interests (and I tend to consign such expectations to the rubbish bin), but I think general maxims - rather than tiresome instructions on whether a female should blow air on her cup of hot tea - work best most of the time, because chances are that you won't get overly self-conscious or unnatural from all the clumsy attempts to remember those irritating nitty-gritty rules.

(By the way, yesterday I showed Dr Philanderer's latest article to The Likeable Creature, and he said, "I won't notice things like whether you are blowing on your tea unless you really bore me!")

Whenever I read Dr Philanderer's writings, I am always struck by how he is teaching people to be pretentious. Perhaps I sound very naïve (probably due to my under-exposure to the dating scene - which, if Dr Philanderer's descriptions are reliable, certainly appears to be very superficial), but I seriously think dating is not and should not be about maintaining a facade or performing in a circus. If you are looking for a stable, healthy and lasting relationship, engaging in a masquerade is not going to accomplish much. If I need to learn how to brush my hair in a particular manner before I can find a suitable partner, then I'd rather be left on the shelf than be with someone who has an obsession with cosmetic details.

I am aware that it is important to leave a good impression; but why would I want to date someone who likes me only because I conform to certain conventions, because I follow orthodoxies? Why would anyone want a romantic relationship which is supported by a weak edifice of artificiality? Why would you want to carry the burden of always having to defer to traditional stereotypical conceptions that people have of you by virtue of your gender (or your skin colour, your age, etc.)?

If you want my opinion, I think everything can actually be very simple (though perhaps I'll be disillusioned once I become more acquainted with the dating scene). You can pare things down to just a few friendly maxims; they don't have to be so complicated. Now, please brace yourself for some hackneyed words of 'wisdom', coming from yours truly:

If you want to appear totally awesome in front of someone for whom you have non-platonic feelings, then just strive to be awesome at all times. If you want to be able to engage in meaningful and intelligent conversations, then just cultivate a habit to read more, watch more news and documentaries, ask more meaningful questions and learn more. If you want to show how attuned and sensitive you are to artistic endeavours and perspectives, then just open your eyes wider and try to seek beauty in all the corners of your everyday life. If you want to establish yourself as a connoisseur of the good things in life, it would be ideal to start being more appreciative of the little luxuries you enjoy. If you want to portray yourself as a thoughtful and patient person, then just keep reminding yourself to distribute more kindness to others whenever possible, and to be more empathetic towards other people's suffering. If you want to exuberate confidence, then just try your very best to develop the courage to stand up for your own principles when necessary, and to have more self-esteem. In daily life you should always aim for perfection, so that you don't have to go through any charade when you are hanging out with someone in whom you are interested.

Being intellectual isn't about going to great lengths to find out the other party's areas of interest and then to read up furiously on the relevant subjects so that you can regurgitate everything during your conservations. Being artistic isn't about memorising all the names of famous artists and masterpieces without being able to be sincerely moved by the ingenuity and emotions that went into the creative processes involved in crafting these works. Being caring isn't about being chivalrous, and neither is being polite about dining in a certain fashion. Being confident isn't about employing your diaphragm when speaking, or about moving in a deliberately slow and smooth motion. Being attractive isn't about following hard-and-fast rules. Falling in love isn't about losing your own individuality; it is about being accepted for who you are, it is about being a better person for your partner. (Yes, I sound so clichéd, I know.)

If you think I make more sense than Dr Philanderer, then just keep these in mind: 1) Extend your efforts to be brilliant to every single part of your life, such that you eventually internalise all these amazing qualities, such that they naturally come to form your character; and 2) don't try too hard to impress, because it is revolting.